Change is good, they say.  I agree.  Toll ways are a bitch without it.  I still get perplexed when I see Parking Meters without credit card (or cell phone) usage. It is a good piece of bullshit to promise people when you’re running for office. But the change I’m talking about is initially hard, and these days my life is all about it.

You see, there’s a chapter in my book called “Ditching Heavy Baggage” — and it’s about how in order to keep living my passion (traveling, meeting new people, learning all I can, finding mentors, having a blast, taking great photos, having adventures, changing peoples’ lives) I had to get rid of people that were weighing me down (hence the baggage metaphor… get it?  I travel, and it’s extra weight).

I’ve heard – and then had proven through experience- that you are the sum average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. This applies to everything: health, weight, happiness, success of relationship, stress levels, positivity, wealth, activity level, motivation.

I generally use positive phrases these days.  I say “wealth”, not “how broke you are” because I’d rather measure the positive things. I guess it’s a bit like “The Secret” – though, my gripe with that book/movie is that they left off one major chapter “Do something!”  ”Take MASSIVE action!” — though… having a pretty vision board is a good start.  I do believe in the law of attraction… I believe more in the law of gravity, but…. you need to know what you want, otherwise you’re a lot less likely to get it.

My posts are inspired by what’s happening in my life, or the conversations I have.  Today (after waking up at 3am from my 5:30pm nap that followed a super productive day where I skipped sleeping last night) I had a conversation with one of my couches in Atlanta.  My friend was on his way to South Carolina.

(Cut  & Paste from Skype chat)

Why you going to SC?  Hurricane looting?  Kite Surfing?  Visiting your Mom?

Nah…. my buddy steve came to visit in ATL and his buddy owns a race shop…atv’s dirtbikes street bikes…so he brought some 4 wheelers to ride….he wrecked while he was here so he is in the hospital with broken clavicle and scapula, ruptured spleen, and a flap of flesh hanging off his skull….so I am driving his truck and trailer back to SC for him.

My buddy has recently had a child, and things are not good with him and the girl.  He’s gotten a new job, which I am thrilled to say is in marketing (and he’ll be the first one to tell you that that is because of my influence over the years). I met him when he worked at Gold’s Gym (which I have a blog post to talk shit about that place!). I mentored him a bit, ’cause he’s a good kid with a similar passion for adventure and photography as me.  We’ve gone hiking, and then climbing power poles that are on the ledge of 1,500 foot cliffs.  We’ve jumped off of (much smaller) cliffs into rivers. I introduced him to marketing, and coached him in his sales technique, and all of a sudden he went from “the guy who is just an assistant behind the counter” to “the guy that broke every sales record for all 8 local branches of Gold’s, despite having a hidden location.”

The manager at that Gold’s was not particularly responsible.  No one at that gym was really motivated. It was “just a job”.

My friend quit finally.  I was glad, because those people were not a particularly great set of people to have in his 5 people that influence him. Notice, I was one of the people, and I pushed him forward to get more sales, and to compete with himself, not the lazy people that are there.

I’ve given free consulting with a very precise action plan to many people when they’ve told me their goals, dreams, or problems.  Yet, they didn’t do anything about it. Some have followed my steps, and have gotten  great results.  Though… some people listen too well… like Rob, who posted a picture of his ass on Facebook when I said “hah! great picture, you should make that your picture!”- although…. people who do listen, rather than overthink everything, can get much better results.  Ready, Fire, Aim.

So, why do most people not take action? They think their friends will make fun of them.  If you’re hanging out with a bunch of people who go drink every night, and they ask you out to the bar, and you say “Hey guys, I’m going to skip out tonight… I want to practice my sales presentation in the mirror for 3 hours, then video tape it (or… whatever the term is these days….flip it?), and see if I’m pre-addressing every objection….” they might tell you to do that later, or “why would you do that? You’re already kicking ass without practicing. Do it tomorrow, that one chick with the big boobs coming out tonight… you should come!”

The line you get may be different… that was a hypothetical example, but you know what I mean, because it’s happened to you!  You wanted to do something good for you ( start a raw diet, stick to a budget, stick to a training regiment, meditate, take a class….), and all of a sudden you weren’t quite fitting in with your friends, so you dropped whatever it was.

It’s called a comfort zone.

We get used to how things are, and a change is a threat.  We may want the change, but part of us ( our lizard/reptilian brain) starts trying to protect us….. “What if you get hurt? What if you’re not good at it? What if your friends laugh at you? What if you lose your friends? What if it doesn’t work out, and you don’t get the job?!?!?!” -

You succeeding at your goal is also a threat to your friends, because it means that you may ditch them, or that they will have to improve their standards… both are threats to their comfort zone. And thus loving friends and family are the number one killers of dreams.

I surround myself with positive and driven people who want to (constantly) improve and enjoy their lives, and thus we infect each other with motivation and support for our goals.

Instead of “Come on… do that tomorrow, let’s get plastered tonight!”  I may say “You’re working on outsourcing all your tasks?  That’s awesome!  Ok… well, we’re going, but before we head to the bar, let me give you my copy of Michael Gerber’s E-Myth and E-Myth Revisited!  He’s all about systems, and if you’re outsourcing, you should make a system of every task, so that you can give it to every person that will do it, and they’ll be able to do it!  Think McDonald’s!   Also, you should use Jing, and record the doing of every task… then they can see exactly what you do, and you can narrate it… then you’ll have a library of all the tasks!”

That’s why I like the world of Internet Marketing.  Most people have their own schedules, are positive, always learning new things, share knowledge with each other, and work hard.

My buddy that I mentioned earlier is young.  I figure he won’t listen to everything I say, and that’s fine… at 21 years old I didn’t realize the things I know today.  But, I reminded him this…..

(Cut  & Paste from Skype chat)

my buddy steve came to visit in ATL and his buddy owns a race shop…atv’s dirtbikes street bikes…so he brought some 4 wheelers to ride….he wrecked while he was here so he is in the hospital with broken clavicle and scapula, ruptured spleen, and a flap of flesh hanging off his skull….so I am driving his truck and trailer back to SC for him

that’s nice of u– have a good audio book to listen to while u drive those hours? (Was going to send him one)

hmmmm….. just a reminder:  You ARE the sum average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

if all 5 have suspended licenses, chances are you’re next. and that tapplies to wealth, health, etc…

steve is smart the other guy is an idiot…

Steve’s the one with broken everything

point taken

My friend’s life is currently hectic. His relationship is beyond volatile right now. He left a job that the hated with Coca Cola… which I predicted he’d hate, as it was mindless, and with small results.  That’s a comfort zone thing…. we’d rather have “a  job… for right now… just so I can pay my bills, and then I’ll save up, and then I’ll be able to make that thing so I can get that other job that I really want to have!”  He finally got a gig that involves his brain, where he can measure and create his own results.

I’m not his parent (or anyone’s), nor am I yours.  I’m not calling his friends losers, as I don’t know them all.  I’m not calling your friends losers.  I am saying that you should monitor where your life is compared to where you want it to be.  What’s missing?  Are you truly happy?  Do you have a relationship you like?  Do you have the gig you like? Are you living where you want?  Are your friends positive and supportive?

After you evaluate yourself, take a look at the 5 people you hang out with the most (significant other included if you’re married or dating).  Are they happy?  Are they successful (however success is defined to them)?  Do they like where they live? Are they healthy?

If most people you spend your time with are stressed out, obese, divorced, and broke… then that’s probably what you’ll see in the mirror.

I lost 30 pounds in a month by trying a raw food diet!  Ok… it was 28 pounds, but 30 sounds better  It was a very difficult thing to go from eating meat and potatoes, and never even having side salads or any salads…. to 100% raw (I did have 1 glass of Vodka during the excusrsion).  I was able to do it because the people I was traveling with on a 6 week road trip were Craig & Suzanne… both of which ate healthy, shopped at Co-Ops, and knew how to prep raw food.

The last week was the hardest, because I was alone.  After we finished rock climbing in Yosemite, we parted ways.  I went to San Francisco to visit my family, and they went back to Austin.  My family – like most – is not into raw food.  They prepped and ate all my favorite meals around me… schnitzel, brisket, home made ground burgers.  They had these, while I made salads, or almond butter with seaweed sandwiches, etc…  My mom even kept trying to get me to eat their food!  What the hell?  I told her I was doing 30 days, and that it was difficult, and yet she kept trying to make me stray from my goal!

I love my folks… and they’re at the gym almost every day, and they tell me that they eat very healthy.  But, they both keep complaining about their weight.  They don’t lift weights as I’ve recommended for them.  They swim, exercycle, and walk the elipticals.  It’s just like having a camera, and taking pictures doesn’t make you a photographer…. going to the gym, and eating healthy doesn’t mean that you’re in shape, or en route to results.   It’s better than not doing anything at all… but if you’re not getting the results you want, you’re doing something wrong.  Bring in an expert that works with others like you, and has gotten them the results that you want.

Mom figured I was skinny from my diet, so why don’t I use up this family time to eat home made food.  My goal didn’t matter…. just as most of yours do not really mean anything to your friends.

So, if you’re NOT where you want to be… who is?  Why aren’t you friends with them?  Why not see if you can help them out with something?  Why not join some Meetups (meetings from Meetup.com) and find others that have your same goal.

If you get a workout partner that doesn’t show up, or doesn’t threaten your life because you’re thinking of flaking on the training session… then you have someone who isn’t serious, and should fire them, and find a new one who is serious.

My chapter that I mentioned, “Ditching Heavy Baggage”, talks about how I’ve had to train my parents to stop being negative and tell me how my idea won’t work.  It’s about how I don’t really speak to all my old friends anymore, because my priorities are much bigger than just going to the next party or rave.  It’s about how there are some people whom I will no longer respond to their calls, emails, or texts… and will delete their voicemails without listening.  It was hard to do, but I can be happy the way that I define it now.

We all have (or… in my  case, had) that friend who is always having it rain on their parade.  Every “So… what’s new?” leads to a depressing conversation about how work sucks, their girl is cheating on them, they just got injured, they got a ticket, etc….  I support my friends when they are down.  But… if they are ALWAYS down, I’m done!  You can call me a shitty friend when you read that… but none of my friends will tell you that I”m a shitty friend… If your life is seriously THAT broken that all you have to say is bad news every time, maybe you should seek professional help.  Or… more realistically, you need to do the thing that changed my life– start taking personal responsibility.

Yup, that’s right.  The economy doesn’t matter, and the president won’t bail you out.  YOU have the power to evaluate your situation, and improve it.  Hours cut back at work?  Turn a hobby into a business.  No money for food? Barter someone food for a skill or item that you have.  There is ALWAYS a solution!  There is ALWAYS something you can do.

If I decide that I want to make a photoshop training course (which I did decide, and am working on), my friends say “That’s awesome, you’ve got so much experience in photoshop, your work rocks, you should totally do it! How are you marketing it? I bought that one course on making videos that convert really well, want it?  Want to set up a mastermind to review your strategy and make sure everything’s in the right direction?” They call me to check how that is progressing, and bust my chops if I make excuses.

They’re busting my chops now ’cause my book isn’t done yet.

I said I wanted to do more public speaking, and someone wrote an amazing letter about me, and within 2 hours, I got invited to be a speaker at the 140Conference. I have a month to prepare a presentation that will kick extreme ass!

THESE are the kind of people you want in your life.  These are the people you want in your 5 people you spend the most time with.

Hey, it’s your life. I’m not judging you. Who gives a shit if people are or will judge you? They’re going to do that anyways… we’re all people.  It’s actually a survival mechanism from the cave days…. but, if there is something you want to do/be/have, you are responsible for it. If the current group of people you have are not pushing you towards your dreams, you may want to consider getting a new set of friends.

Couchsurfing has been my savior.  I got to meet so many incredible people, discover internet marketing, find those few places (like Austin and San Diego) where I feel at home…  My life has become a force of change, for myself, and for those I interact with.  Because I keep changing who I’m staying with, and where I’m staying at, my life is always changing, as is the group of 5 people I spend the most time with…. but I make sure that as it changes, I only fill it with amazing people whom I respect, look up to, can learn from, and enjoy their company.

So… who are your five people?