click on the picture to order a beer mug ant farm

I wasn’t going to blog this, but since the headline was so brilliant, I had to!

I bet you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about now… what kind of sick thing am I doing to ants, and why PETA only cares about the bigger, fuzzier animals… well… here’s what happened!I generally try to be healthy… especially since I did my cleanse– although, being on a late night coffee binge lately, I’ve actually been only craving less healthy things… interesting!   One of the tricks that Jason Moffatt taught me before leaving his place  is that when you’re making a smoothie, you can save a lot of time by just starting out with a good base. So, I went to the store, and got some Naked juice Green Machine Superfoods smoothie!

naked juice's Green Machine Superfoods drink

They have a pound of fruit in every bottle!  That makes this a pretty decent base, and… it’s delicious!  I chug this crap straight out of the bottle!  Especially after exercising.

I finished a bottle of Naked, and since I was heading out the door, I threw the bottle in the sink, to be dealt with later.

The next day when I returned, I saw a single-file line of ants crawling up the wall, onto the kitchen counter, and flocking around the lid of the bottle, which I had in fact left on the counter.  I wasn’t sure if they liked this, or if I had accidentally spilled some carrot juice while making some of that.

It didn’t matter, I cleaned the counter off with soap.

Fast forward another day.  The fact I got rid of all those ants didn’t matter, they came back with a vengence!  This time, their numbers had doubled… it was a double single file, right into the sink…. I thought at first it was the Avocado peel, but then realized they were bogarting the – practically – empty bottle of juice.

I grabbed it to throw it away in the depths of the garbage can, far far away from the wall where the ants were coming from.  I closed the lid of the garbage can, shook the 800 ants that were now crawling on my arms off, and yet again, cleaned the counter… this time using a lot of soap, and scrubbing.

I was so pleased with myself upon returning the next day and finding the counter still as shiny as I left it!

Then I went to the bathroom, and had to do a double take!

There was now a solid line of ants coming out of the closet, traveling through the crevices of the sliding glass door, in a curved line around a CD spindle I left on the floor, around the corner of my crate of water bottles, up — and down – the garbage can… and into the Naked bottle.

I actually didn’t check to see if they were in the Naked bottle… I just grabbed the garbage bag, ran it to the outside garbage cans, and then vacuumed up all the ants.  There were so many!  Again, I had to shake many off my hands.  Semi-icky.

I’ve heard of people waking up covered in these ants– literally, having them crawl up your nose and everything, as when it floods in certain areas, they’ll come crawling out of the walls in hordes, and seek higher ground.  My situation was not that bad.

The odd(wala — some of you will get that joke) thing about it is that after running an errand, there was a new line of ants formed!  Still crawling to the garbage can, and up it, despite there being no garbage.  They were still following the same path as the previous ants had taken, despite there being no more food.  I suppose since their predecessors died in such a sucky manner (yes, that’s a vacuum pun), they didn’t get the word that the juice was gone.

I suppose the moral is Tri–fold (a printing pun)!

1)Throw your garbage out immediately after you’re done with it- preferably outside.  If not, consider rinsing it out completely.

2)If you drink something that apparently has ant-crack in it, just close the lid shut, and this problem won’t happen.

3)Have a good vacuum cleaner ready at all times!

As for me… I was clothed the whole time!