While watching many movies lately, I was reminded by one about my past. Skim past the movie reviews to get to it, or read the reviews, and then get to it!

Ive watched a lot of great movies this week. Some new ones - Hard Candy, Shooter, Surf’s Up, Mr. Brooks - and some old ones such as I Heart Huckabees, Fight Club, Donnie Darko, The Butterfly Effect. This is more movies than I’ve gotten to watch lately, as I’ve been busy… but… we’ve been getting furniture, and this has been a great opportunity to break in our new tv. I totally loved that Mr. Brooks movie! It is a unique look into a serial killer’s life. A damn good look actually! Kevin Costner was the main star, and Dane Cook had a role that defies his usual comedy routine. The plot twists are many, as the story builds up. It was brilliantly written and acted out. A movie that really messed with my head was Hard Candy. I’m not going to tell you anything about it, other than to watch it! I don’t want to ruin the plot, but it challenges you, and corners you, forcing you to claim which beliefs are yours. Now, since that one delves into your thoughts, I thought I’d get a troupe of “Huh” movies to mess with Angela. Good movies though. I mentioned 4 of them: Donnie Darko, Fight Club, I Heart Huckabee, and Butterfly Effect. Butterfly Effect I’ve seen a bunch of times. I really like that movie, and I think that’s what made me get those 4 for Angela. I wanted to have a “Mind-fuck Marathon”, and Butterfly Effect is all about paradox. I actually got that one because we got couches. I’ll do a separate post about that, but if we hadn’t gone to Ikea and spent all that time, only to have the couches we wanted be out of stock, we wouldnt’ve ended up with the totally perfect couches we got! Chaos theory in practice… if you change one tiny thing, the ripple effect happens, and everything changes. That’s sort of what the Butterfly Effect is about, in a very literal play on the concept. I know it stars Ashton Kuctcher, but he’s actually a decent actor, and this movie shows that off! Personally, I prefer the theatrical release to the Director’s edition. The differences are slight, but the ending makes a big difference. I Heart Huckabee is funny! I am surprised by the cast, and their roles. Mark Wahlberg is in a recent movie I saw, Shooter, where plays his standard action role. In I Heart Huckabee - which is about existentialism… sort of a spoof, but also an overview for those that aren’t familiar with it - his character is just a regular guy who’s trying to find himself. Dustin Hoffman has this crazy wig I can’t get over, and his character is also a bit unique for the roles he normally plays. The special effects and story leave you smiling… though, you say a few “Huh???”’s along the way. Fight Club is one of my favorite movies of all time. It’s a lot more than just a movie about guys that beat each other up. It’s got social commentary, brilliant acting, wonderful special effects you can’t notice (many of them were ground-breaking when they came out, and then I was a lot more into the special effects industry). It has many layers, and my cousin actually did a Thesis on this for a prestigious university that he was attending for his Masters at the time. For you ladies, Brad Pitt’s in it. For you guys, you will want to kick someone’s ass after watching it. It’s quite a rush! Then there’s Donnie Darko. I own this one, though I left it in Florida. I borrowed this one from Skizzy. I originally bought it because my little brother said to buy it, “Don’t rent it! Just go buy it! It has a 6′ rabbit in it, what else do you need?” He was right! It’s got some paradox, some discussion of time travel, some spoofs on the 80’s, some great music (this is how I learned of “Mad World”). This movie has very strong characters (or, I’ve gotten more opinionated in my old age). I think it was the 80’s, and seeing the characters that made me remember middle school and high school. The movie showed the popular kids, the druggies, the romance between some kids, the interaction with teachers. These weren’t the focus on the movie, but I thought they did a better job with it than many movies that do specialize in it. I sort of felt like the fat girl that tried to perform her passions (talent show), but everyone kept making fun of her. No, I’m not a cross-dresser, nor was I ever (in this lifetime) a girl. I was however a bit shy! No one believes me about me being shy, but it’s true. I didn’t say “hi” to too many people, I didn’t have that many friends, I wasn’t into sports, I didn’t perform on the talent show (I think I tried once or twice, but I wasn’t that great on the piano). I was embarassed in middle school to change clothes in the locker room, and in high school fitness I still couldn’t lift that much weight or do a pull-up. A bit after high school I could bench press more than 300 pounds, could do many pull-ups, won an award for push-ups (at this resort), and am able to go on stage to speak publicly while making the crowd smile, and learn. Like all people, I wonder “What if” about how things would have been different… but that links back to the Butterfly Effect. If I had been a social butterfly in high-school, I may have a corporate job these days, not couch-surf, and who knows what else. I’ve definitely discovered who I am over the years, and was just uninformed about it back then. I stand up for the little guy, I volunteer these days… but I still don’t feel that I have that many things that I’m truly passionate about. Sure, Photoshop / Photography, Humor, learning, achieving dreams, family, and meeting people… but …. causes, teamwork, an understanding of football… I wonder who I would have been. I did get a glimpse though… I went to my 10 year reunion. I didn’t really want to, but then I thought “wow! What if I get along with these people now? Who are they? What’s different?” That, and the person arranging it had begged me to do their multimedia slideshow, and my tickets would be free. I grew up in Boca Raton, Florida, so I thought most people were snobs. 10 years later, they still are… all the cliques were still the same. The person I ended up hanging out with for a while was actually this girl Jen who was living in a trailer park. I have nothing against trailer parks. It was just an opposite of what most the people there had done. Many people were married… and miserable. I wasn’t married at the time, nor am I now.. but I had / have a lot more freedom. I’m not a slave to my job, I get to travel. Back in 1999 I ran into this guy through coincidence. In highschool he was a grade above me, and was the captain of the football team… Homecoming King and all that, dated the captain of the cheerleading squad. He made fun of me a little bit, and I wanted to be more like him (in high school). So… I came into the office where he works. I was brought in as a contractor, while he was slaving away for the boss. This guy was now a lot fatter than I was, and definitely fatter than he was in highschool. I invited him to come over to a BBQ I was having, and he could never make it… new baby was taking up all his time. I was stunned when he told me that I could’ve easily made it on to the football team back in the day. I guess I just didn’t have belief in myself. We all find who we are (hopefully) sooner or later. Sometimes sooner. Now-a-days I would play competitive sports… something I never would have dreamt of in highschool. I was even shy with my teachers. I was (and still am) really smart, and excelled at whatever interested me. I did not do much homework, and I hardly studied. It seemed I learned by osmosis. While watching Donnie Darko, I liked how his character interacted with the other students, teachers, and guests. He was funny, and not shy to be himself. I think I’m wasting time writing this lengthy article about my past, when I can’t even remember the exact point I had for starting. I suppose if I had to summarize this, I’d say to make sure you are happy! In order to be happy, you have to know who you are. If you’re an outdoors kind of person, but have a job that keeps you indoor all day, and you never take time outside of work to go outside, you’ll be miserable. If you’re creative, and don’t get to express your creativity, you’ll become miserable. When I was couch surfing full time, I was pretty damn happy! I got to go outside, travel, meet new people, exercise, adventure, and learn what sort of stuff I like, and what I don’t. Self-discovery is an amazing thing. It’s amazing how many people see you differently than you see yourself (like the whole “I could’ve been on the football team” thing). If you haven’t thought about it, you might want to survey all your friends to find out how they see you. What do they think you are good or bad at? Knowledge is power, and knowing yourself is the key to happiness.